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hello there reader.
it's 2.12pm. Outside the sky is dark with a hint of continuous rain (the thought pains me. I hate rain). I just sneezed--I am allergic to dust and chocolate. I am in front of Torch which is in front of our broken desktop computer. I am waiting for my cousin's reply, hoping for a positive answer. I didn't take a bath cos mum told me not to since I am all sweaty after cleaning our room. I just finished crying and eating the dark-chocolate flavored Choco Mucho which I got from our store. I am torn between going to taal and not going to taal. I haven't done anything productive the whole sembreak except for a couple of spy missions with my friends, good movies on the tv, date with Alex, and the one time chit-chatting with my idol--the rest is a boring history.
i planned so many things before sembreak, and none of them took place. Well, maybe some, those small almost unnoticed tasks that is pat of a routine. Those extra-unroutinary tasks were merely started but does not have its conclusion yet.
eversince the break started, nanay assumed that ill clean the house. and i did, every once in a while. More time on the internet.
i promised J that ill help him out with his portfolio. and i did, i conceived the idea it just haven't materialized. More time on the internet.
i told myself that i should finish Chuck, read Eco and myth, finish articles. and i did, im on episode 12 of Chuck, 0 Eco, started myth, and started my articles, none finished. More time on the internet.
I wanted to do workouts and build muscles and abs, and i did. There were 2 mornings in my record that I did push-ups and sit-ups. More time on the internet.
Don't get me wrong, I am not saying that my break is a big crap cos it's not. I needed this. I need time to relax, I need time to feel bored and worthless cos it's there where I get the inspiration to do
the extra-unroutinary tasks.
Last night, I prayed:
"God, please guide me, so that i can accomplish the things i needed to do for the day."
And guess what? He did.
This morning after watching The Postman (which is, by the way, another Kevin-Costner/Great movie), I went straight to my room to go net surfing. POOF! The computer isn't working. FML. The first thing that came to my mind was J. Of course, who is the one person (except for mom that'd always keep some parts of the pc) capable of destroying my internet life--MY BROTHER. I checked everything, and then I saw unplugged lines inside the CPU.The pakielamera that I am, I tried connecting them. POOF. Before there were some things displayed on the monitor, the next thing I know there were none. FML for the second time! I told tatay everything... J came home. Hallelujah! Tatay alked to J. But he denied that it was his fault. FML for the third time! And then I sang, "You can put the blame on me. You can put the blame on me. You put the blame on me." yaddah yaddah. Just because I was seen to be the last one to use doesn't mean I broke it! Tatay goes, "Susunod mong sisirain e yung TV. Sinira mo yung laptop. Sinira mo yung cellphone. Ngayon yan naman." FML for the fourth time! I am </3. I can't take it when it's my tatay that's angry. You see, he's the most patient guy I know. And making him angry is like commiting murder!
Yes, God asnwered my prayers. I don't have my oldie computer--NO good internet connection which means it's time to do the extra-unroutinary things. God sent more extra answers: 1.) efficiently utilize the things you have and take good care of them; 2.) don't ask for the things you don't immediately need. it has their own time; 3.) use our time wisely, as the golden motto goes, "Time is gold." Because not everyone is given this privilege; 4.) be humble enough to take blames--even if you know it wasn't your fault--God is a just God.
P.S.
I pray,
"God, pls send someone to fix the computer. A few more days and I'm back to Manila. I'm pretty sure my brother and tatay needs it."
Now, it's fixed. Guess who's the guy? J.
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This post is for my mom, for myself, and for the boys out there.
Hi, mom!
I am sorry that I disappointed you a million-gazillion time.
I am not a perfect daughter. But I know you deserve me, and I am going to prove that.
I will make you proud with the things I do. And will apologize with the things I can't do.
Once you told me to finish college before entering a boyf-girlf relationship. I promised you I will, but i did not.
I almost got kicked out of school because i fell in love so early and too stupid enough to publicly show affection when it's taboo.
He and I broke up and it nearly tore me apart and not be able to bring myself together.
But I managed. Maybe it's in our genes. Mana siguro talaga ako sayo.
I hope that you'd give your trust back to me. Cos this time I will fulfill my promise with a little add ons!
Hi, me.
Pls, don't be an easy-to-get chick because you're not. Someone out there deserves you. Be patient. Maybe, the one is a mix of Ramon-Chuck-Chuck. hihihi.
Hi, boy.
I got one question. Are you willing to wait? hihi <3
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Tragedies would always come, but you know what? You just have to be patient finding the silver lining. Just like Chuck, five years is not so long if the woman for you is Sarah Walker. :)
It's been...what? One year, four months, 7 days, and 6hrs since he and I broke up. And here I am with a slight progress of learning the art of let go, move on.
Meh. :/ First love never dies, they say. I have heard my friends say, "Ok lang yan. First mo kasi. Mahirap nga yan!" Yeah, it's freakin' hard to not think of him, not talk about him, not dream of him, not reminisce every single sweet moment that we've shared, not stalk his Facebook profile (kahit 'di kami friends), not look whenever I hear his name. I get so scared sometimes that I'd be stuck and not be able to move on. I don't want to be like Chuck Bartowski who dealt with his heartbroken feeling for FIVE YEARS! Not that I do not do anything to move on, you see, I have done everything I could, JUST TO MAKE A PROGRESS--even a little.
A few days back, I was inspired to blog again! (maybe, out of boredom...NOT!) And lookie what I found:
And I while ago, I was planning to make an evolution collage of myself and I found our HS picture (the first picture) during the festival for the saints, when butterflies in my stomach are flying freely, happily and in love-ly (pinilit?). Anyhow, the good thing is...tanananananannanananantanan! I got tired of stalking his and his new girlfriend's profiles. May nagagawa rin palang maganda ang katamaran! And, sobrang paulit-ulit na kacheesy-han I can't take it any longer. I mean, seriously, is there anything new you can think of? It's none of my effin business, I know...pero IBA NAMAN! It's for their own FB-status' sake, if you know what I mean. :/ I wish they'd make it private (as in todong private) so that i'd no longer get some access. You know, to make my life a little easier. He already made it easier not talking to me--like i have some kind of invisible cape around me. Well, not really since umasa pa ako. Blame it to the quote: "If it's not okay, it's not over." E applicable lang ata yun sa In-A-Relationship Status. Blah.
Anyways, ever since we broke up I told myself I'll make myself GREAT. Ugghh, not really. Di ko talaga sinabi yun. hehe. I let the flow carry me wherever. So I started training Judo and writing article for the Commerce Journal--busying myself with so much stuffs. I regained my pamilee's trust and love back. I met different, gorgeous guys, made friends with some of them (i meant flirt, eh flirt ako eh. chos). I became close with my blockmates, IAM in particular. I saw Ramon Bautista in person--ang aking super idol! I made my family proud of me and by that I gained confidence. I lost someone precious but gained MORE THAN what I lost. I am grateful to the Lord.
I thought I was strong enough, until...
I saw this. I broke down. :( It torn my heart into a million pieces. <3 It brought back the tears from the past. T_T I promised myself that i wouldn't have any boyfriend cos I'm waiting for him, but not this time. I am thankful to Mark Zuckerberg (kaya gagawan ko ng justice ang review ko sayo), I found, yet, another silver lining--stop waiting, start walking--thank you FACEBOOK! It's time to get going, head straight to my destination.
I am too thankful to the Lord for giving me such blessings--my pamilee, my family, Ate Ericka, Iam friends, and people who sympathized. Not only to them, but to this experience.
I am taking back my first statement, maybe this is part of the art of let go, move on. I have progressed not little, but big enough that I am still here, and I am HAPPY. Besides, I already played PvZ--and I hella finished it!
Tragedies would always come, but you know what? You just have to be patient finding the silver lining. Just like Chuck, five years is not so long if the woman for you is Sarah Walker. :)
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Zeus
Zeus, O mighty Zeus.
struck me with your bolt
so that I would have the guts
to face the storms of my life.
Hera
Guide me in life's battles, Minerva.
Share with me
Your divine prowess
in conceiving fight plans.
Apollo
Sing to me, Apollo.
Show me light.
Heal me by truth.
Kill the Phyton
that strangles my breath.
Artemis
The hunter, show me my wild side.
Bring me closer to nature.
Hunt down the monsters inside me.
If it be time, slay me by your silver arrow.
Aphrodite
Aphrodite with beauty
that is beyond all beauties
in the earth combined,
make me laugh out
all the sorrows that inflict me pain.
Hermes
Hermes! Oh Hermes!
God of Commerce, fly us to success.
With your wings let us travel roads of glory.
Send our plea to the gods in Olympus.
Ares
Ares, god or war.
Order your vultures to scrape off
the decomposing and help the living.
With Eris and Enyo, wage war
to the savages who destroy peace.
Vulcan
Vulcan, build me an armor
that would protect me
from enemy's anger.
So that killing me would be
a mistake he wishes to make.
Vesta
I thank you, o ye Vesta,
for carrying me to the family
I belong to.
While my brother was keeping to himself the computer I decided to read Sam's Edith-Hamilton-Greek-myth book.
THE 12 GREAT OLIMPIANS
Zeus
struck me with your bolt
so that I would have the guts
to face the storms of my life.
Hera
I plead to you,
Oh Hera, goddess of marriage,
that you bestow me a partner
and that our binding would last a lifetime
Poseidon
Poseidon, god of the sea,
I pray to you, with your mighty will,
calm the storm in my heart,
and command the sea to rise me up
in the heavens.
Hades
The Horrible not the Terrible god,
if you'd allow,
give the unjust a chance to be just.
Before taking them.
Athena
Share with me
Your divine prowess
in conceiving fight plans.
Apollo
Sing to me, Apollo.
Show me light.
Heal me by truth.
Kill the Phyton
that strangles my breath.
Artemis
The hunter, show me my wild side.
Bring me closer to nature.
Hunt down the monsters inside me.
If it be time, slay me by your silver arrow.
Aphrodite
Aphrodite with beauty
that is beyond all beauties
in the earth combined,
make me laugh out
all the sorrows that inflict me pain.
Hermes
Hermes! Oh Hermes!
God of Commerce, fly us to success.
With your wings let us travel roads of glory.
Send our plea to the gods in Olympus.
Ares
Ares, god or war.
Order your vultures to scrape off
the decomposing and help the living.
With Eris and Enyo, wage war
to the savages who destroy peace.
Vulcan
Vulcan, build me an armor
that would protect me
from enemy's anger.
So that killing me would be
a mistake he wishes to make.
Vesta
I thank you, o ye Vesta,
for carrying me to the family
I belong to.
